Self-Diagnosed People Pleaser

Everything I do on a daily basis is for the benefit of someone else. I’m even thinking about others when I go to the gym. I’m hoping my body will impress my friends on Instagram, or that a random guy will think I’m good looking. The gym is somewhere and something you do to be healthy FOR YOURSELF. How have I turned it into something for everyone else to benefit? Because, I’m a people pleaser.  Constantly making sure everyone around me is happy before I am is exhausting, but it has become such second nature I don’t realize I am doing it. I have even found myself apologizing for things others have done, in order to make sure they’re still happy and love me. I excuse people in my life for their behaviors, because I know deep down they had to be coming from a good place, and they wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. But, the unfortunate truth is that people do hurt others on purpose. They say what they want to say, and don’t think twice about it because they aren’t trying to please anyone but themselves. I let people walk all over me, which is weird for me because I have always been known for standing up for myself. I mean, I am 5ft 9in so standing up for me is expected. You cannot be a coward and tall. I try to make the best out of every situation because I never want to see someone I care about sad, upset or angry, especially towards me. But what I have recently learned is that I cannot please everyone as much as I want to. Some people do not want to be pleased, they don’t want my help, and they do not want my gifts and love. It is so hard for me to even wrap my head around because I want nothing more than to have someone treat me the way I try to treat everyone in my life. And, I hope people aren’t reading this thinking, “Geez, Alex. Way to toot your own horn and think no one appreciates it”. Because I know I have so many people in my life who do appreciate me, but I also think I go a little overboard on making sure everyone is well taken care of, before taking care of me. I have suffered mentally and physically due to me bending over backwards to please people. Sometimes I feel like maybe it’s easier to take care of others because I don’t want to face what’s going on in my life. I don’t want to take a good hard look at what’s happening around me. One of my brilliant ways of dealing with stuff, is to not. I pretend it didn’t happen and let something else preoccupy my time, which is usually someone else. I feel like I am constantly trying to fix everyone and everything around me before I am able to repair the broken parts on myself. If being a people pleaser is so draining, why do I do it? Because I would rather make sure everyone around me is having the best possible life, time, day, and week before it comes to me, because nothing pleases me more than knowing I was a reason for someone smiling that day.

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